As my 53rd birthday approaches

It's Friday night and it seems like it's been a long week. I'm tired and feeling generally world-weary. Work hasn't felt particularly rewarding lately. Although I'm learning a lot I don't feel like I'm doing the things I do best - not contributing like I could. Funny how you can feel well paid but not rewarded. Obviously I'm not in it just for the money - or wish I wasn't.

Lots to look back on in the last year. It's just about exactly one year since my right salivary gland was removed along with the tumor it contained. I survived. It was not malignant. The healing wasn't too bad but I miss the feeling around my ear once in a while. Frey's syndrome, a post surgical condition where my face sweats during eating, has gotten a little more noticeable lately (the nerves that used to trigger saliva production now trigger sweating). Mostly an annoyance. I had a wisdom tooth extracted this year too so parts of my face seem to be disappearing. Overall I'm in pretty good health though.

My Mom turned 80 this year. She's in remarkable condition but can't hear very well. I LOVE YOU MOM!

This year was the 10th anniversary of my father's death. I still wish I could talk to him again.

My brother is dealing with his anger issues this year. A big step forward for him. I'm proud he can change at this stage. He seems to understand himself much better.

This is the year I decided I don't believe in God. With the help of the writing of Dr. Anthony Grayling (whom I first heard as a speaker aboard the Queen Mary 2 in 2006) I finally made the break with "God". I realized my struggle was with the meaning of being good outside the context of the Bible defining it for me. I'm now comfortable that I can be a good person and have a good life without the need to believe in a supreme being. The transition was an extended process but is in many ways rooted in the events of 9/11 and the not-so-clandestine efforts of the Bush Administration to insinuate Christianity into our government and the public sphere. There will never be world peace until religion is gone from the world. That doesn't mean I don't think religious people can be good but believing you're right and everyone that doesn't believe the same is wrong is a bad foundation for civilization.

A Y-DNA test this year proved I'm not closely related to the mid-western Howeys. A real disappointment. I'm still wrestling with what I feel about it and what I think it means.

I served on an extended murder trial this year. Although not a capital case the deliberations raised some very difficult ethical and moral issues. Information revealed after the trial established the defendant was a despicable human being. As a group we, the jury, struggled with what was right and in the end justice was done. Some people on the jury really didn't want to think very much though. I'm more convinced than ever, though, that the jury system is the greatest instrument of justice in the world.

I'm tired of typing and ready to sign off. G'night.