It's Friday night and it seems like it's been a long week. I'm tired and feeling generally world-weary. Work hasn't felt particularly rewarding lately. Although I'm learning a lot I don't feel like I'm doing the things I do best - not contributing like I could. Funny how you can feel well paid but not rewarded. Obviously I'm not in it just for the money - or wish I wasn't.
Lots to look back on in the last year. It's just about exactly one year since my right salivary gland was removed along with the tumor it contained. I survived. It was not malignant. The healing wasn't too bad but I miss the feeling around my ear once in a while. Frey's syndrome, a post surgical condition where my face sweats during eating, has gotten a little more noticeable lately (the nerves that used to trigger saliva production now trigger sweating). Mostly an annoyance. I had a wisdom tooth extracted this year too so parts of my face seem to be disappearing. Overall I'm in pretty good health though.
My Mom turned 80 this year. She's in remarkable condition but can't hear very well. I LOVE YOU MOM!
This year was the 10th anniversary of my father's death. I still wish I could talk to him again.
My brother is dealing with his anger issues this year. A big step forward for him. I'm proud he can change at this stage. He seems to understand himself much better.
This is the year I decided I don't believe in God. With the help of the writing of Dr. Anthony Grayling (whom I first heard as a speaker aboard the Queen Mary 2 in 2006) I finally made the break with "God". I realized my struggle was with the meaning of being good outside the context of the Bible defining it for me. I'm now comfortable that I can be a good person and have a good life without the need to believe in a supreme being. The transition was an extended process but is in many ways rooted in the events of 9/11 and the not-so-clandestine efforts of the Bush Administration to insinuate Christianity into our government and the public sphere. There will never be world peace until religion is gone from the world. That doesn't mean I don't think religious people can be good but believing you're right and everyone that doesn't believe the same is wrong is a bad foundation for civilization.
A Y-DNA test this year proved I'm not closely related to the mid-western Howeys. A real disappointment. I'm still wrestling with what I feel about it and what I think it means.
I served on an extended murder trial this year. Although not a capital case the deliberations raised some very difficult ethical and moral issues. Information revealed after the trial established the defendant was a despicable human being. As a group we, the jury, struggled with what was right and in the end justice was done. Some people on the jury really didn't want to think very much though. I'm more convinced than ever, though, that the jury system is the greatest instrument of justice in the world.
I'm tired of typing and ready to sign off. G'night.
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phillycor.org
Check it.
Oh, geeze, another bleeding heart liberal mid-life crisis blog.
Oh, wait, that's a description of mine. Except mine runs much darker (in my head, at least).
Some interesting stuff.
You recall that Koreans say that food is not any good unless your nose is running? I think you're onto something there. Too bad it took a tumor and surgeries to discover.
I always separated God and religion, myself.
It can be a pain in the butt when your body keeps throwing you curves. Can they block the nerve - either with anesthetic or Botox (which may cause more muscle paralysis than you want)?
Good luck to your brother. Anger issues can be very hard to deal with, but recognizing them is important. Sounds cliched but it's true. I know.
Good luck with all of that.
BeattheReaper told me you'd started a blog.
I suspect world-weariness is not only a product of your age or your work, but also a product of these miserable times we live in.
Much sympathy on the unexpected surgery consequences. Does your jaw sweat? Or isn't that how it works? Too bad they don't know enough about nerves to stop it from making you sweat.
I totally agree with you that people can be good people without religion, that religion doesn't belong in our government, and that it bodes ill for civilization in general. I don't believe in religion, but I've stopped just short of not believing in God; I guess I'd call myself a Theist. I'm pretty sure that the deity I believe in doesn't match any typical construct of God, and I'm fine with that. Basically, I think it's safer and saner to be spiritual than to be religious. And whatever people want to do, I wish they'd do it by themselves or in very small groups, cause it seems everything people do en masse has a great probability of going very wrong.
OMFG, is everyone from ICC blogging now? I will have to copy in some of my scintillating tales from MySpace. Especially important as I enter my reactionary conservative mid-life crisis.
I figured out the lack of God decades ago. Saves me from wasting time wondering why I'm always sick. Still fun being Jewish though. Tonight we enter the final day (23) of the new year celebration. And much chocolate was had by all. Yes, I just said I prefer religion (mine anyway) to God. You didn't expect me to agree with either the mainstream or the fringe, did you?
So will you be celebrating it, ignoring it, hiding from it, shouting it to the rooftops?
Monday, i'in't?
So the birthday has been celebrated, the pictures are posted and commented, and nothing has changed. You're a couple of days younger than my husband, does that make you feel better?
My limited exposure to Judaism and Jewish culture help we understand lynne's comment about being Jewish. I've often thought how wonderful it must be to be Jewish (really). Even in the absence of "the god thing" the sense of belonging, community, and continuity across thousands of years is something I could only hope to know.
A search for this type of connection of my life through time is what has driven me to spend thousands of hours researching my family history. However, I find this is something few people seem to care about. I suppose for me it creates a sense of perspective about my life, its place in the stream of time, and that my life will eventually be something that occured in the past.
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